i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
