just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
