Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
