someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
