I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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