So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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