He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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