So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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