Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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