Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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