Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Terrible idea I love it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
