Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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