dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
