He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
