i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
