Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
