I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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