if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
