So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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