Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
