Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
