ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
