I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
