Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
