Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
