i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
