i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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