I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
