The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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