My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
