Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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