I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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