His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
