I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
