you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
