I heard we made out
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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