it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
