i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
