I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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