i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
