Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
