I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
