You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
