Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Life is so much better after having sex.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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