Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
