My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
