Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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