You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
