dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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