if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
