Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
