God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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