OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
