She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
birth control should be required to get into college
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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