I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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