Nicole vs. Life
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
