meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
