Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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