i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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