I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
